{"id":255,"date":"2016-08-19T11:17:27","date_gmt":"2016-08-19T15:17:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/?p=255"},"modified":"2019-02-24T10:21:02","modified_gmt":"2019-02-24T15:21:02","slug":"adventures-in-trumpland-vol-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/2016\/08\/19\/adventures-in-trumpland-vol-7\/","title":{"rendered":"Adventures in Trumpland, vol 7"},"content":{"rendered":"

or<\/strong>
\nOrange Is The New Red.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Scene opens in the Trump bedroom. Donald and Melania are laying in a very large bed trimmed in gold. The headboard reads TRUMP. Melania is sleeping quietly on her back, she has her eyes covered by a sleep mask, her face is lathered in face cream. Donald is binge watching “The West Wing.”
\nHe shakes his head and mumbles to himself: Why are they walking in circles all the time? <\/em><\/p>\n

Melania stirs: Mmm?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald pats her hip: Ssh, sorry.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald’s face turns into a sneer: That Josh Lyman – what a smartass. Once I’m in office I’m gonna hire that guy just so I can fire him. <\/em><\/p>\n

Donald’s cell phone rings, he answers:  You’re on for Trump!<\/em><\/p>\n

Voice on phone: Donnie?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Whosis?<\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: It’s Gary. Gary Busey.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Hmm. Your number is blocked.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: Yeah, I blocked it .. you know for security.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Security?<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: Yeah, you had the CIA briefing today. Right?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Uhm .. I guess.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: You guess?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Well, they took me to some building downtown – didn’t even blindfold me. Pfft.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: Huh.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Plus, Jack wasn’t there.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: What<\/em>?<\/p>\n

Donald: Yeah. I said where’s Jack Bauer? They played stupid for a while and then told me he was on assignment overseas.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: Sounds fishy.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Yeah, They had good donuts though. Mighta been from Dunkin’<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey asks excitedly: So, whadja find out?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Area 51? It’s totally real. Once I’m President I can go out there anytime I want. They said I can bring one guest.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: Omagod, omagod, omagod – your’e gonna take me right?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Well<\/em>, I don’t know Gary — once I’m president I’ll have to live my life a lot more seriously.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey groans.<\/p>\n

A uncomfortable silence stretches out.  Donald wiggles his toes at the end of the bed and then smiles wickedly to himself:  Ha – I’m just kiddin’ you – I’m Trump. Hey, maybe we can have your birthday party out there!<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey laughs nervously: Ha<\/em> – Ok, good one.  You got me – how about the other? <\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: The King? Nah, they wouldn’t talk about it. Big friggin’ secret.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: I knew it!<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Don’t you worry though. Once I’m in office they’ll tell me. Or else.<\/em><\/p>\n

Busey: It’s been so long ..<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: He’s still alive. I just know it. Elvis Presley sure didn’t die sitting on the toilet. That’s for sure. We’ll get to the bottom of ..<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald’s phone buzzes and he holds it out so he can see the incoming number : Oops. Gotta another call Gary. I gotta go.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald taps his phone: You’re on for Trump!<\/em><\/p>\n

Voice speaking Russian<\/p>\n

Donald: English man. Paul gets that gibberish but not me. <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Where is Paul?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: He’s probably sulking in his room drinking that horrible Russian tea and vodka. I’m about to send him back to you. He’s stinking the whole joint up. <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: What is this word stingking?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Stinking! Smelly. Who heats up Borscht and sauerkraut on a hot plate all day anyways? <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice sighs : Boss wants report.<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Jeezz everybody is on my ass tonight. <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Report!<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: I dunno. I didn’t really listen. That’s why I took the general with me. <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Russia? Any words speaking about Russia or Ukraine?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Ha. Now that you mention it. No. They didn’t say anything about Russia. I wonder why?<\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Hmm<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald scratches his head: Must be we don’t worry about you guys anymore. <\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Boss asks, deal still on?<\/em><\/p>\n

Donald: Yeah yeah. The deals still good. You guys get Utah, I don’t know why you want it though. Did you know I couldn’t even get a pizza delivered to my plane?  I’m sitting on the tarmac at Salt Lake city. No pizza. I mean, whats up with that? I had to have a frozen chimichanga.
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Voice: Goodnight<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Donald drops his phone on the table and returns to “The West Wing”  Man it’s gonna be so good – it’s gonna be yuuge. <\/em><\/p>\n

Scene fades as we hear “Hail to the Chief” on the television.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

or Orange Is The New Red. Scene opens in the Trump bedroom. Donald and Melania are laying in a very large bed trimmed in gold. The headboard reads TRUMP. Melania is sleeping quietly on her back, she has her eyes covered by a sleep mask, her face is lathered in face cream. Donald is binge … Continue reading Adventures in Trumpland, vol 7<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":142,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-255","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-trumpland"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=255"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":457,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/255\/revisions\/457"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/142"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=255"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=255"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/voice.devinecreations.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=255"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}