We recently suffered the loss of a beloved family member, my brother-in-law Bob. His death was one of those ‘it won’t be long’ sort of expected moments that still breaks your heart; and pisses you off when it happens.
Bob was my wife’s sister DiAnn’s husband. He was about fourteen years older than me although I hardly noticed the age difference. I was three years into my sobriety when my wife, Daryl and I visited them in Florida. Shortly after we arrived Bob handed me two newspaper clippings listing the times and locations of AA meetings in the area. He didn’t say anything further to me about it except that he would be happy to drive me to either of them if I wanted.
What a guy.
Lot’s of folks have had reason to comment on Bob’s frugality, I will only say this: Daryl and I were once visiting them over our wedding anniversary, Bob was shocked that I was going to spend xxx dollars on a card that my wife would only read once. He wouldn’t go down the card aisle with me.
Seriously.
If I wanted to torture Bob, and believe me I often did, I would buy a five dollar greeting card and wave it in his face.
Bob showed me the joy of driving a car right down the beach in Daytona, Florida, setting up a tent, a grill and cooking sausages for lunch.
Bob taught me that you never order coffee or a soda at the restaurant “because that’s how they get you.” A phrase I now use quite often.
Bob taught me that you can return anything to any store.
Period.
He also taught me (in the same lesson) that I don’t ever want to go Black Friday shopping again as long as I live. He convinced me to stand in a Walmart at 3 AM with my hand on a computer while he was elsewhere in the store securing a slow cooker or some other essential item. Later that morning while I was sleeping off my breakfast he went to two other stores and bought two other computers, brought them home, inspected them, and took all three of them back.
Don’t ask.
Bob taught me to sit with another person and be comfortable with silence.
But of all the things Bob taught me – I am most grateful for his teaching me how to ‘husband.’ Early on in my marriage we were visiting them in Florida. I grabbed DiAnn’s lawn chair and started to set it up. Bob took it out of my hand and said: “Here I’ll do that – she’s my problem not yours.” I chuckled and thought that this was an opening for a man-to-man laugh about the ‘ole ball and chain’ but he didn’t say anything further. I watched him closely after that and soon realized it was easier for him to refer to her as his ‘problem’ rather than say “Here I’ll do that – she’s the most important person in my life.”
I often kid my wife and tell her “I am not your problem.”
My heart sings every time she replies “Yes you are” because I know what that means now. My wonderful, kind quirky brother-in-law Bob taught me.