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Orange Is The New Red.
Scene opens inside the Trump campaign airplane. They are at cruising altitude somewhere over Texas traveling south towards Trump’s historic meeting with Mexico President Enrique Pena Nieto in Mexico city,
Donald is wearing a golden sombrero and eating his favorite Mexican meal, Taco Bell #6 in preparation for this critical diplomatic mission.
Steve Bannon, Melania Trump and Gary Busey sit sedately in the passenger compartment contemplating the upcoming events.
Busey: Hey Donnie, do have any more hot sauce? I got screwed again. Why do they only give you one packet per taco?
Donald: Shut up Gary.
Bannon: So – what do you say Donald? I should stay on the plane. Right? In case there is any funny business?
Donald: No, you go with Melania. She wants to shop. While you are out there see if you can get me some Coke.
Bannon’s eyes widen: Coke?
Donald: Yeah, I like those little glass bottles, they make them with real sugar there.
Bannon groans: OK boss, if you say so.
Melania: It’ll be fun. I need some shoes.
Bannon: Jews?
Melania: Shoes.
Bannon: Jews? In Mexico?
Melania raises her voice: Shoes – shoes, shoes!!
Bannon: Ok, Bannon mumbles to himself: Jews – gonna be a quick trip.
Donald’s phone trills. He answers it: You’re on for Trump.
Voice over the phone. Mr. Trump! It’s Kellyanne Conway … your campain manager.
Donald: Oh hey Kellyanne hows it going?
Kellyanne: Well lets see, I just woke up to discover that my candidate is on his way out of the country, on his way to Mexico! Is there a reason why you didn’t discuss this with me?
Donald grins: We are letting Trump be Trump!
Kellyanne : I need to remind you Mr. Trump that most of Mexico hates you. President Nieto has called you Hitler.
Donald: I don’t believe those rigged polls. Mexicans love me. Haven’t you listened to any of my speeches?
Kellyanne: You have called them murderers and rapists. They don’t like that.
Donald: That wasn’t me. That was Primary Trump – totally different guy.
Kellyanne. I’m not sure they understand the difference Mr. Trump. I’m worried about your safety.
Donald: No worries, I’ve got that covered.
Kellyanne: Certainly I am glad that the secret service is with you, but I’m still worried.
Donald: Kellyanne, I’m Trump. I have an ace in the hole.
Kellyanne: Ace?
Donald: Yes, right now Donald Jr. has Charlie Villanueva, the famous Mexican basketball player, sitting in our offices. Once I’m back in the air after my historic, hugely important meeting with Nieto we will turn him loose.
Kellyanne: So he’s like your hostage?
Donald: I wouldn’t use that word. See, Kellyanne that’s why you will never sit in this chair. I make deals – big deals. You should read my book. I’ll get you a copy – it’s a number one ..
Kellyanne interrupts Donald: Mr. Trump.
Donald: .. bestseller. It’s yugge…
Kellyanne raises her voice: Mr. Trump!!
Donald: What?
Kellyanne: I just googled Charlie Villanueva. He is not Mexican, he was born in America and his family is actually from the Dominican Republic.
Donald: So? He’s of Mexican heritage. Don’t get all PC on me now when I’m being Trump. Wait’ll you see the numbers after this kiddo!
Kellyanne: Not Mexican! The Dominican Republic! It’s a totally different country – in the Caribbean.
Donald chuckles: Oh yeah .. I went there years ago. Not with .. Donald lowers his voice: …not with Melania.. I think it was Marla. That place was hot, really hot. No wonder its failing .. losers.
Kellyanne: Still not Mexico.
Donald ponders this and drinks from his extra large plastic TacoBell cup, we hear the drink bottom out and Trump shakes the ice: Nah, it wont make a difference. Nieto wont dare make a move while I have one of their famous athletes in my offices.
Kellyanne says exasperated: He’s not Mexican!
Donald: Not right now Kellyanne. But by the end of the day America won’t believe that. Check Wikipedia later this morning. He’ll be a Mexican citizen by noon.
Kellyanne: Mr. Trump — that’s awful.
Donald: Not awful, presidential! Don’t forget the NDA you signed Kellyanne. It’s the art of the deal.
Scene ends with a mariachi band playing “Hail to the Chief”