or
Orange Is The New Red.
Scene opens in Trump Towers.
Trump is sitting at the head of a long stone table on his golden throne. He drinks thirstily from his tankard of Ovaltine and slams it down onto the table. “Listen up!” he cries.
The room goes quiet as he surveys his close team of confidants. On his left sits Roger Ailes, Ailes is dressed in a Trump University sweatshirt and holds a plastic megaphone in his right hand. On Donald’s right is Gary Busey. Busey is wearing a bicycle helmet and has a wide dreamy smile on his face. Anthony Senecal, Trump’s butler stands near Donald’s side. The Trump children sit at the ‘kids table’ there are coloring books and a large pitcher of Orange kool-aid for them.
Melania Trump enters the room and begins to sit down next to Roger Ailes.
Donald: Melania, honey, why don’t you sit over here by me. Donald nods his head at Busey: Shove down Gary and let Melania sit there.
Ailes’s eyes track Melania as she walks around the table.
Donald: Roger! Eyes up, remember we talked about this.
Ailes snaps to attention in his seat raising the megaphone: USA – USA – USA!
Busey changes seats: Cool. Say Don, why is Alfred Hitchcock yelling at me?
Donald: Shut up Gary. Before we get started Melania is going to report on the office pool. Honey?
Melania stands: As you may remember we started a pool in June.
Ivanka giggles: Yuuunne
Donald points at Ivanka: That’s enough from you Missy. Go ahead honey.
Melania: .. so. Yes the pot is over two hundred dollars and this will be one of the rare times when the winningest man in America won’t win.
Melania curtsys: As you all know Donald was not allowed to bet — for obvious reasons.
Ailes: USA – USA – USA!
Busey gves Ailes the finger with both hands until Ailes stops yelling into his megaphone.
Donald raps his knuckles on the table. We gotta wrap this up quick. Paul’s on his way down.
Melania: The winner of the office pool on how long Paul would be the campaign manager is … Melania pauses for dramatic effect: Corey – Corey Lewandowski! Corey correctly guessed seven weeks.
Donald claps his hands: Fantastic, well since Corey isn’t here you can give me the dough and I’ll see that he gets it next time I see him.
Melania hands the money over to Donald and sits down.
Donald: Ok, when Paul gets down here – be good to him OK? He’s had a rough week and he’s got – well listen we all have things in our closet. And .. he does too. So he ..
Donald Jr.: Paul’s been in the closet?
Donald: Well, sure. He picked today as his day to reveal himself to us so …
Ivanka grins: You. Are. Shitting. Me!
Donald: Language! Thats twice young lady. Do you want me turn you over my knee?
Ailes groans and starts to lift the megaphone:
Donald reaches over and slaps Ailes on the side of his head.
Busey: Cool.
Paul Manafort enters the room.
Donald: Ah – here he is.
Manafort is dressed in a traditional red and beige Russian tunic over white muslin trousers. He sports a wide embroidered belt around his waist that matches the embroidered banner that forms the shirt collar. He removes his Cossack fur hat and drops it on the table.
Everyone has gone quiet and stares at the man before them.
Donald clears his throat: As you know I am a great negotiator – no one makes better deals than I do. Donald spreads his arms out as if to present the new Paul Manafort. I give you Count Pavlovic Manfred Manefort the 1st! The count will be my new administrations chief counsel on foreign affairs!
Count Manefort bows: It is a great honor.
The room remains quiet. No one knows what to say about this.
Busey breaks the silence. Say, do you like pizza Count?
Count Manefort: Uh, sure. It’s OK.
The room is filled with the pealing sound of a telephone bell. It is exceedingly loud, all eyes turn to the far wall of the conference room. A large beige porcelain telephone reminiscent of the 1950’s sits on a glass topped stand. It rings again.
Anthony starts over to answer it. Donald Jr. says: I thought that was an antique. Since when has it ever worked?
Busey: Yeah, it works. I told you I was ordering pizza. He snaps his fingers. I bet they are calling back to confirm the address.
Anthony holds the receiver out for Donald: They would like to speak with you Mr. Trump.
Donald turns his back on the room and speaks quietly into the phone. We can hear parts of the conversation. .. didn’t order pizza .. no .. .. not a joke…. I can’t yet. Long pause as he listens to the voice on the other end:. .. not yet .. do you know how many of those damn hats I still have? Pause. Thousands. Yes yes .. OK yes .. I’ll get back to you. Hey .. hey have you read the book yet? Pause. Really? I sent you, like, twenty of ’em.
Pause. It’s called ‘The Art of the Deal’ .. whats that? Pause, Donald raises his voice: The Art of the Deal!
The scene fades as the phone conversation ends in another room with a similar 1950’s style telephone. The handset is slowly dropped into the cradle by a well manicured feminine hand.
As we go to black we hear a women hum “Hail to the Chief.”